"Otousan?" The little girl craned her neck upwards. "Otousan?"
"Hush." He walked on, ignoring her. The little girl fidgeted for a while, pulling at her dirty long hair.
"Don't fidget. And hush." There was a short moment of peace. From the corner of his eye he could see her start to fidget again.
"Otousan, where are we going?" She tried again, tugging on his sleeve.
"Hush, I say!" He said sharply, looking down at her, only to meet her frightened eyes. Purple eyes, he told himself subconsciously. "We'll be there soon." His tone was softer, his eyes diverting from hers. Inwardly he felt another tug at his conscience. She's only six, he told himself, too young to understand. But what choice do you have, Tsuta Yoshio? You have a family to support. And you still have three more daughters to pamper if you want. Yet...
He stopped abruptly, stooping down to face Shi, redoing the little red bow that fell out of place, wiping her dirty face with his kimono sleeve. Then he looked at her face, grabbing her shoulders to get her attention.
"Shi?"
"Hai, otousan?" She gave a brilliant smile.
He drew in a breath, and felt his actions weigh upon his already heavy heart.
"Shi, you must be good in auntie's house, okay? If you are good, otousan will bring a doll tomorrow." He forced himself to smile as he lied. It didn't matter that he didn't have enough money to buy a new ribbon, much less a doll. It didn't matter, because...because tomorrow you'd never see Shi again, he told himself bitterly.
Yoshio stood up abruptly and started walking again, glancing upwards to check on the time. It was almost noon. He hurried his pace, glancing back occasionally to check on his daughter. She was such a beauty, born with purple eyes. The fortune-teller had foretold that her eyes will be the downfall of him, and sure enough, ten months after she was born, the rains came and drowned his crops. A jinx, his mother had told him, she's a jinx. And in the years after that he had grown poorer and poorer, whilst the girl only grew healthier and prettier.
He glanced back at Shi. The little girl was cheered on by the prospect of a new doll, and walked on happily, flipping her long plaid in an awkward kind of child-dance. Peasants stopped in their tracks and nodded towards him, complimenting him on his daughter. He forced a smile back, every piece of praise eating at his heart.
They walked past the merchants of their small village, into the realms of a bigger village. People around them now started to give them rude stares, looking down on their dirty village clothes. Yoshio kept his head down as he hurried his daughter through a bunch of intertwining streets and paths.
"Look otousan! Look! Kirei!"
They had reached their destination. The little girl jumped up and down with excitement, too overcome by the beauty she had never seen before to act 'good'. "Kirei, totemo kirei!" She pointed towards the teahouse, her eyes glowing as she stared at the clean roof, the swept pathway, the white paper shoji. And yet, it wasn't a very pretty teahouse. The wood was of a low quality, rough-hewn and unpolished; the shoji had millions of tiny holes in it; the pathways showed bloodstains. But little Shi didn't see that. She only saw beauty, the beauty of a new and clean place.
"Hush. Shi, this is auntie's house. You must be good, and behave yourself. When you go in, greet all your elders, put on a smile, alright, Shi?" Shi nodded without hearing her father, too engrossed with the green leaves on a tree nearby.
"Be good and stay here, Shi. Otousan has to go and see whether auntie is here. Stay here, and don't move around. Shi? Wakarimasu?" Shi didn't even respond this time. Yoshio looked sadly at her, his dull brown eyes shiny with unshed tears, as he turned away painfully and walked towards the entrance.
Shi wandered around, not knowing her father had walked off without her. She was too enchanted by the trimmed garden to notice anything else. "Purple flowers!" The little girl ran across the garden, her long plait flopping down behind. Her slippers, too big for her, fell off her feet. But she didn't notice, and even if she did, it would have meant nothing to the poverty-stricken six-year old girl, as she peered here and there into the clump of perfectly formed purple wisteria.
"Purple...murasaki..." she smiled back at the flowers. "Purple, like my eyes!" At that, she plucked one of the flowers gleefully. Remembering her siblings at home, she plucked another one.
"Get away from there! Thief!" someone shouted from a distance. Shi turned around, still clutching onto the wisteria. A man was running in her direction. Although he was a young man, he was hobbling on a cane awkwardly. His face was scarred, like someone had slapped mud into it. The entire left side of his body was red and twisted. Shi gasped. "Monster..." She'd never seen anything like it. "Monster!" She pointed her finger shakily at the man, as she uttered the insult.
"You little..." He hobbled faster now, getting nearer and nearer. His face was turning totally red, as he smarted from the insult. It was one he used to hear after the accident, and it was that insult that incited him to hide away from the outside. Now this little girl was pointing at him and uttering it to his face. He felt rage boil up and fill his almost useless limbs with power, as he ran towards the girl. Shi just stood there, stunned, her purple eyes wide with growing fear. She only moved when the cane hit her shoulder hard.
Shi landed near some yellow flowers, clutching her shoulder. She looked up at the man, her eyes filling up with tears. The cane was made of hard wood, and it hurt a lot. She tried to please the man, and gave him one of the flowers she plucked. But that just made the man even angrier. He lifted his cane again, but Shi couldn't move fast enough. The man hit her twice on her torso and another time on her arm before she could get away.
She ran away from the man, her hand still clutching the wisteria. Her shoulder started to show signs of swelling, and her knee started to bleed from one of the falls. "Otousan!" she shouted, crying and running through the pathways of the unfamiliar teahouse.
"Otousan!" Her voice trembled when she called out once more, crying from the pain of her wounds. The blood started to seep in through the thin layer of her kimono. Finally, she tripped and landed up in a clump of ivy. Her hand finally let go of the wisteria, and it fell to the ground, crumpled and wet. Shi laid there for a while, crying. "O...otousan" Then, there was blackness.
It was near sunset when she finally woke up. Shi sat up, looking at her surroundings as she rubbed her eyes with her dirty hand. Suddenly, she realised that she didn't know where she was. Sure, there was a clump of purple wisteria there in the corner, but weren't there yellow flowers next to it? Curious, she forgot about her worry, and tried to stand up. Her shoulder and sides still felt a bit sore, but her curiosity spurred her on. She carefully dragged herself to the wisteria clump, and walked around it. The more she walked, the more anxious she got. Where were those yellow flowers? She wanted to get some for her Tsuki-neesan. Her second sister loved everything yellow.
"But Kikyo-sama!" Shi turned around, startled. The voice came out of nowhere. Normally, she would have been scared. But it was her otousan's voice.
"No buts, Tsuta-san. This is all I would pay." This voice was different. It was one of a lady. Maybe it's the auntie otousan was talking about! Shi's eyes lit up as she walked closer to the room that she heard the voice from. The shoji was closed, and Shi remembered otousan saying that you should never go into a room without being told to do so. So she leaned against the shoji, hoping to hear more.
"But Kikyo-sama, we agreed on at least two times of this! This is my favourite daughter, and I guarantee you she will be very useful to you." Shi frowned. Was otousan talking about her? Curious, she pressed her ear against the translucent paper, wanting to hear even more.
The shoji slid open with a bang, and Shi fell back, stunned. A middle-aged woman with a most beautiful kimono had opened the shoji, and she stared down at the little girl with rising anger. "Who is this? Who is this, and why was she eavesdropping on us?"
"Shi!" Her father looked at her in a mixture of surprise and worry. In his hands was a pretty envelope. "This... this is my daughter. The one I was talking to you about." His eyes flicked to the envelope in his hands, then back at Shi. He walked towards his daughter, and pulled her up, whispering furiously, "I thought I told you to be good! What are you doing here?"
Shi opened her mouth to reply, but the lady spoke first. "Then she's no longer yours. Hiro-san? Take her away." Shi looked up in surprise. What did she mean, no longer otousan's? Her father drew in a deep breath, and let go of her arm. Shi looked at her father in confusion, and turned back to look at the lady. She gasped.
Shi spun and ran down the pathway, crossing rooms and racing down hallways in her panic. For walking towards her was the scarred young man.
"Stop that girl!" She heard a tinny voice shouting from afar. She ran even faster, and turned left. In her hurry she didn't realise she was running towards a dead end. Panicking, she opened the nearest shoji and closed it quickly.
Pant, pant. Shi tried to be quiet, but she wasn't used to running that much. At that, she started to cry. Now otousan would surely scold her! Sniffing away, she looked into the room. To her horror, when she peered into the dark and musty room, that it was filled with canes! Surely otousan would cane her! This must be a sign! Terrified, she opened the shoji and ran out.
"Sayonara, Shi-chan..."
Shi stopped running, panting hard. She had heard that, didn't she? But there was no one around. No one at all. "Sayonara? It...it sounded like otousan! Otousan is leaving! Where is he?" Looking around, she realised that she didn't know where she was again. There was a patch of ivy under her feet, but there was no wisteria or yellow flowers. In fact, this part of the garden was musty and unkempt. The grass was long, tickling her bare feet, and crickets dominated the left side of the garden. Shi looked around worriedly. There were no flowers at all. And it was turning dark. Fast.
She walked on some more. I just need to find some purple flowers, she thought. If I find the purple flowers together with the yellow flowers I can get home.
The sun was setting. Shi turned towards the dark sky, looking for the sun. It was nothing more than a sliver of redness against the dark blue sky. Looking at the sunset had always made her sad. Now, it just made her panic. Sunsets meant dinner. She must get home before dinner.
She ran on, sobbing loudly. She didn't care whether otousan scolded her, or beat her, or caned her. She just wanted to get home. She didn't like the dark. The dark made her scared. Tsuki-neesan always told her that at night, monsters would appear. And the monsters would be so silent, even otousan couldn't hear them with his super hearing. They'd creep up, slowly, silently, until they're right behind you. Then...they'll eat you up! Shi's eyes widened with fear when she remembered her sister's story. She looked around the dark garden, now very frightened of what lurked behind the shadows. The clump of tall grass, now looked like a monster, ready to pounce. That tree, looked like a youko, ready to grab her with its long arms and send her into his sharp teeth.
The more she looked around, the more frightened she got. The more frightened she got, the louder she cried. It got to a state that she couldn't run anymore. She just sat down on the grass and cried. She was lost. She'd never been lost before. Shi hadn't seen a single patch of wisteria or ivy or anything for ages. In fact, she can barely see beyond her hand. It was so dark now...Suddenly, she felt someone putting her hand on her shoulder.
"AHHHHHHH!" She jumped up, ready to run. It's the monster, her frightened mind concluded. The monster grabbed her shoulder really hard, turned her around, and slapped the little girl.
Shi started to cry, partially from the pain of her shoulder, partially from fear, partially from shock, as she shouted for her father repeatedly.
"Shut up, you fool." Shi looked up, and peered into the darkness. It was the kimono lady!
"Ki...Kikyo-sama?" she managed to say. The woman looked down at her with surprise.
"How do you know my name, brat?" Shi just stood there, stunned. The auntie! She would bring her back to otousan! The lady just smiled. A smile that held no humour.
"So, you eavesdropped on us, heh? Good, you wouldn't need to learn that then." The lady said, a bitter smile on her face. Shi looked puzzled.
"Kikyo-sama, is this a school?" Shi asked timidly. The lady just laughed.
"No! Good heavens. Me? Tsurumushi Kikyo, in charge of a school?" The lady laughed again. Shi smiled out of politeness, though she didn't know what was so funny.
"You're funny. No, brat, this is a teahouse. The only teahouse in this godforsaken place."
"Then...am I to learn in this teahouse?"
"Learn? I suppose so. But you'd probably be working more than you learn." The lady chuckled. Shi looked back, her eyes full of puzzlement. It was obvious that she didn't understand the lady.
"Well, come on. We'll put you with the old maids for tonight." The lady grabbed Shi roughly by the arm. Shi started panicking.
"Kikyo-sama, where's my otousan?" The lady looked back at her, and frowned.
"He's gone of course. And he'll probably not come back unless you've done something worng. And believe me, you wouldn't want to see him then."
"Gone?" Shi blinked. "What do you mean gone? But, when do I go home?"
The lady frowned some more.
"You know you can't go home. Now come along, and shut your trap." She started pulling Shi along. Shi tried to resist, but the lady was too strong.
"But...but...what do you mean? I want to go home! Why did otousan leave without me? Why can't I go home?" Shi's eyes were filling up with tears again. It was like a nightmare.
The woman turned back again. She looked more intently into Shi's face.
"You mean, you don't know?"
"Don't know what?" Shi sniffed.
The lady squinted at the girl.
"That your father has sold you to our teahouse."
Glossary . kanashimi --- sadness . otousan --- father . kimono --- a wraparound robe that is the officially recognised national costume of japan . hai --- an affirmative answer . kirei --- pretty . totemo --- very . shoji --- japanese sliding screens made from thin paper and a wooden grid . wakarimasu --- I understand . murasaki --- purple colour . neesan --- older sister . youko --- spirit
chiiyo's comments :
This was the first piece of writing I did for Shiyuri, and I've never been particularly satisfied with it, even though I've actually edited it many times. It was written initially for an essay competition with the topic "Lost", and because I didn't have any other characters to work with, I used Shiyuri, or her younger self, Shi. Someone once told me that I seem to write young children's mentality very well... it's probably because I still think that way sometimes... *dots* Actually, as I edit this, an idea for another Shiyuri fic comes to mind: one when she's grown up, and she meets her father again... Oh, and this piece is also quite influenced by Catherine Lim's The Bondmaid, which I devoured when I was very young.